You'll notice . . .

I have my entire album up for your listening pleasure on the left hand side of the blog. . . 

Finally.

Note:

if you click on the button that says "playlist" below the play/pause button, you can click on any of the 12 songs to play them.  Or just listen to them, shuffled :)

If you enjoy it enough to keep listening sayyyy . . . in your car or iPod, shoot me an email and you can purchase it.

Thank you EVERYONE for the incredible feedback. I literally couldn't have had the patience and will to do this without you.

Love!!

Could anything . . .

possibly matter more, than knowing that Christ lives and is our Savior?

So beautiful.

My reason . . .

for waking up everyday.

*Jeanne Calment, oldest person who ever lived, 122 years.*

I was watching a TED video in regards to people who live past 100 years. 

One of the qualities these people all had in common was a reason for living. They each knew why they continue to wake up every morning and start all over.  As I sat there listening to the speaker, I realized that I couldn't come up with an answer as quickly as the 110 year old man.  

So I will ponder it, and sleep on it every night until I wake up one morning and it hits me. 

I have a general idea, but I think I'd like to narrow it down to a couple of firm sentences. . . after all, I want to live to be as old as the lady holding her great great . . . GREAT grand daughter. unreal.

happy, healthy aging.

so much class . . .

*together we'll soot them, probably my favorite picture from the album art*

I have.

been eating and sleeping the day away.  Feel like it would usually be considered a waste but in my case, it certainly was necessary!  I need to rebuild.

Last night was epic for me.  So many emotions and love in one room.  People who have helped raise me, to brand new friends I'd met days before.  I just feel so blessed with genuine people in my life who support me in all my crazy dream chasing.

I made a goodly amount from CD sells,   s l o w l y   on my way to covering all the cost of producing the darn expensive investment! 

More importantly, my music is in the hands of many people who I hope can take the messages I've learned and learn something from them.

Do you know how SCARY it is to be a part of entertainment???  I chose each song very carefully to put on the album, knowing that I could potentially be responsible for the emotions of the listeners.  God had his hand in the whole thing, so many of the songs were inspired to uplift in one way or another.  Honestly, I don't want all of your emotional dwelling on my head at the last day.  You know those people . . . who run into their room furious, bawling and blare screamo rock.  Or those heartbroken souls who listen to breakup songs over and over again until their hearts are more shattered?

Music is a powerful tool.  It can c.o.n.t.r.o.l our emotions so well.  No emotion is bad. I don't believe that.  But I do think that we have a choice to listen to music that won't make us more upset than we were in the first place, or more heartbroken.  Trust me, I've experimented with this many times.  

I knew that each song had to help (with it's insane influential ways) the listeners feel something more positive.  There's enough crap trash in the world.  I want to provide a haven through music.  and I hope that I've done just that.

I already have a couple payed gigs lined up and many potential gigs.  Let the fun begin!!

P.S. my body has never hurt so bad then when I woke up at 5:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.  a mixture of emotional, physical, and mental anxiety, added with an empty stomach.  The second I ate something, my body thanked me graciously

Thank you to all those that came!  For those who want CDs, email me and I'll let you know the details of getting one!

morrow.julie@gmail.com

Loves!!!

Blar. . .

blar blar blar

i have so many thoughts that i would like to get down in this here public space of blogosphere

but i'm tired. i haven't eaten a thing all day. i'm emotionally, physically, and mentally worn down.

blar blar blar

i will see you back here tomorrow with a recap.

final . . .

CALL.

the details of the concert this Friday, December 3rd at 7:00

My CD is a debutante, preparing to be presented to society on Friday.

2496 East 6200 South SLC, UT

This is kind of a big. deal.  I've accomplished a life long (minus the first 18 years of my life) dream.  So, I guess what I'm saying is . . . if you wanna come support a leetle local musician, then head on over.  I would love to see your faces.  I will have sharpies on hand to sign those dazzling CDs just for YOU.  Let's see if we can strike a bonanza!

Thank you and much love.

Euphoria . . .

and Diet Coke

I wrote this song and it sounds extremely chipper and chill.  But I'm going to take the opportunity and explain the message I am trying to get across through it.

"Euphoria and diet coke, never will they mix cause the latter kills the former when we drink from fear of losing bliss."

 *some people can't sleep in their houses because their loved ones are sooo addicted to STUFF*

I have been watching television this weekend (don't get your undies in a bundle, I've been sick with a nasty cold, I still HATE tv) and of course all I watched was Criminal Minds because I can't get enough of trying to solve why people act the way they do.  Anyways . . . commercials for the show "Hoarders" came on about 50 bajillion times and I thought, holy smokes, Satan will use anything he can to stir us up and get us to hand over our control, our agency to a THING, a MINDSET, a HOBBY.

Whether you are a:

Hoarder

Diet Coke addict

Chocolate addict

Obsessive Exerciser

Alcoholic

Sex addict

Drug addict

Video Game addict

Food addict

BLOG addict

Chick Flick addict

Internet addict

Book addict

Money addict

Narcissist 

. . .  you get the idea, the list will continue forever

All of these things keep us from feeling.  They keep us from having healthy, normal relationships.  It's odd though, because all of these things are used because we THINK they will just take away the emotion that causes us pain, but in reality, they just continue to numb our senses so we end up feeling nothing (including happiness).

I've never had to deal with Diet Coke as an addiction, I actually dislike soda, but it came to me quickly because I live in Mormon town where none of us drink alcohol, but I've seen so many people who are addicted to Diet Coke, they can't function and breathe without it.

a little over 2 months ago, I remember saying to myself "I need chocolate, I don't have any, I NEED IT. I have to go get some"  I stopped ranting, sat down and realized, I don't NEED chocolate, but I've become dependent on it (typical right?? a girl who loves chocolate).  So I decided it was time to break the habit.  I've been clean since that day, and plan on staying Dove and Hershey free until my Marathon in April (6 months).  Then I can SLOWLY bring chocolate back into my life in healthy amounts.  I know it sounds a little crazy, but I feel like some of my agency is back into my life.  My thoughts don't revolve around peanut butter cups and double chocolate milk from Starbucks.  I've created more room in my life to feel.

We are creepin on that time of year when everyone will begin setting goals again.  My wish for all of you is that you will add to that list something that has taken away your agency.   Learn how to control and master yourself (even in a small way), and start to FEEL something.

good . . .

friends and connections. 

They're rare. very rare.

moving home has been much easier than anticipated (sort of like this crazy storm everyone has been gearing up for) but it still holds an emptiness that I knew would be there from the beginning.

that lonely feeling.

as if no one understands what is going on inside of you and as if no one can see the perspective that you see.

But then I remembered Allie. plus a few other angels that i will get to in the future.

I feel connected to her. she helps me feel alive and beautiful without even trying (or maybe she does try but hides it well)  

I have seen her only a couple of times since moving home but every time i do, it's a breath of fresh air, like a window that's been freed open after a year of being painted shut.  Her confidence is inspiring, her perseverance illuminating,  and her composure classy.  

Allie is one of those girls whose outward beauty is magnificent, the boys throw themselves at her feet.  But she is soooo much more.  She holds so much hidden beauty that would take years to uncover and see.  This is why I look up to her so much.  She is who she is.  She enjoys fashion and beauty, even Lauren Conrad's book and she don't care who know it!! But she is intelligent and delves into the deep waters, she is independent and strong, but knows that "Love is all you need"

Thank you.  Thank you for being yourself, it inspires me to be me (painted fingernails, long shiny hair, pretty dresses, healthy food, and running) because i've been so utterly concerned that if people see beauty on the outside, they won't have to (or want to) look and find what lies beneath the surface.  

And YOU have proved me wrong.  

I'm just a feminine 21 year old girly girl who thinks her hair is a canvas for creating a new masterpiece every day.  I'm just a self published musician who pays all tributes to God.  I'm just a frail Latter Day Saint who needs and loves frequent Draper Temple attendance followed by singing hymns a'cappella in my car while parked near a look out.  I'm just Jules, Julie, J, Jewel and there may be many of you with my same title or nicknames, but none with my same heart.  and That is Christy's Secret.

It's Here . . .

Stay tuned for Details . . . thank you. much love!

i want . . .

*there she is, in all her beauty, the cover of thee album, get it? soot? black?? sooty? also, if you don't like it, that's just too darn bad. i feel like i carried that baby for 9 long months before birthing it, i know weird analogy, i'm going to be quiet now*

to cry.

now why do i want to cry?  because it has been ever so stressful doing this album art design by myself and taking matters into my own hands when i am no graphic designer.  but it had to be done by a deadline. and i actually LOVE it.  that's one of the only benefit of doing this "pulling my hair out" project by myself.

but i want to crawl in a corner now and waste away because i can't remember the last time stress hit me so hard.  yup, being a rockstar ain't always that pretty

blessed am i, for a friend who flew in with a red cape and saved my day, you heard me mr. ingebretsen, you saved me.

*does anyone else feel that this movie is extremely underrated??*

right now, i feel like the brave little toaster, yes, i give myself THAT much credit for:

*opening up my heart to a boy

*putting myself out there even with the fear of rejection with ANOTHER boy in the same night

*designing my own cd album art in a few short days

*performing a song on the same day that i wrote it 

one week and all those events. mhmm . . . fears can eeeat myyy dust.

NOW, this week will be the craziest week since moving home.  when i say crazy i mean emotionally crazy, physically crazy, crazy fun, i will get zeeero sleep.  it starts with a concert, a highly anticipated midnight movie full of madness, and two dates to wrap it all up (see, good things come from putting yourself on the line).  let us hope that not both dates go soooo well that it makes decisions difficult. (cricket, cricket)

someday, i'll be able to blog again

like a normal human being, living a perfectly chaotic life.

hey you . . .

i've put out my first single publicly to the world.

CLICK HERE

I'm betting you could go over to my FB page (i linked it for you), LIKE it, and then listen.

But, because the blogworld is much more eloquent than the facebook world, I will post the lyrics, just for you. . .  (blar blar blar, jules thinks she is sooo noble and generous just because she posts her lyrics)

"Cool as We"

(this song was written for and inspired by my cousin and her husband sara and george [trey] richards)

I was born with a sun-bound driven eye 

and you said that you were too

We'll buy that weird disguise just to protect those eyes

mine'll be lime green and yours cotton candy blue

oooh oooh oh oh  oooh oooh oh oh

Someday when we are 45, 

we're struttin' like we've just found life

pondering on the edge of something new. 

Promise that you'll take my hand 

and sit us in the whitest sand, 

kiss me weak, relay a joke or two.

oooh oooh oh oh  oooh oooh oh oh

We'll remember a time when they saw us fly off as the sun set 

but earth's fireball stayed up all night 

and we heard them yelling "how could that be?" 

you turned to me and chuckled out "no one is as cool as we" 

oooh oh oh oooh oooh oh oh

I still vow that I'll whisk you away 

to a place where the rain claims spontaneity

and the sun will kiss your apple cheeks 

before we sleep at night where you'll be by my side

oooh oooh oh oh oooh oooh oh oh

We'll remember a time when they saw us fly off as the sun set 

but earth's fireball stayed up all night 

and we heard them yelling "how could that be?" 

you turned to me and chuckled out "no one is as cool" 

We'll remember a time when they saw us fly off as the sun set

but earth's fireball stayed up all night 

and we heard them yelling "how could that be?" 

you turned to me and chuckled out

you turned to me and chuckled out

you turned to me and chuckled out "no one is as cool as we" 

oooh oh oh oooh oooh oh oh

mmmmkay love you bye

Pieces . . .

For those . . .

Who have already promoted my show like crazy, (cause I know you have had nothing better to do with the last 2 days of your life. right??)

make note, due to an   e x c e s s i v e   amount of stress and worry that the CD won't be finished on time, I have pushed the date back to December 3rd.  Yes DECEMBER 3rd.

What could be better than some awesome new CD for friend, neighbor, or family Christmas gifts?? or holiday gifts to be de-secularized. 

Mark it on zee calendar pleeeze

love love

I'm so nervous . . .

I feel like I was just socked in the gut with a brick.

I don't know WHY I'm soooo nervous, maybe it's just the fact that we're coming down to the wire.

This is the time to prove whether or not I can make it in this music business.

Thankfully, Velour in Provo, offered me that empty slot (seen on the show calendar) on Friday, November 12th. BUT, because it is a weekend night, I have to feel confident that I can bring in at least 150 people.

That is a ginormous load of people. That means I would need all of YOU, my followers, stalkers, family, friends . . . to bring all of YOUR stalkers, families, and friends in order to make this work. not just a buddy or a boyfriend, I'm talkin' your whole "FAM DAMILY" . . . extended . . . AND through marriage. . .

Please, someone PLEASE convince me that this will be worth my confirmation that I give Velour tomorrow. 

I love music. I love lyrics. I love what music can do for people's souls and I believe wholeheartedly that I have created an album (with the help of numerous people, muses, and God) that is worth listening to.  Worth getting to know, through and through. 

Will you help me?? tell the whole world that my release concert is happening and EVERY single BODY that comes through that door counts?? bug your friends to no end until they swear that they will be there????  Let others know that there is a dreamer out there and this is a critical point in making that dreamer's dream a reality?  

I love you all. even if you do NOTHING to help me. but I pray, that you will give a small amount of time in helping me inspire and uplift this world. 

And if I look out to a crowd that meets or even exceeds my expectations that day, I can guarantee that there will be tears.  Oh yes, I will cry my eyes out. 

Thank you . . . I have now stepped off of my soap box. carry on. 

God taught . . .

me something new today.

It should never get easier, you should only keep getting better.

For that piece of motivation, I find another reason to praise Him and glorify His name.

Finish album . . .

check.

photoshoot: Check.

marketing: bleeeeh, i hate this part, still on the list

I just finished moving to Utah yesterday.

The second i finished driving 11 hours and unpacking my car, I re-packed camping gear and headed to the mountains to sleep under the stars for the night. no literally, we didn't have a tent.  I woke up this morning to a glowing view down timpanogas canyon and had a breath-taking hour studying the gospel and soaking up the beauty of fall (when I lived in California, every season felt like summer, which don't get me wrong, was nothing short of paradise, but I have to admit. . . I looove fall) before the others woke up and we left for home.

I'm happy to have a room with incredible roommates (aka my parents).  I am so much happier and excited than I expected. what a pleasant surprise!

a few photos from the shoot that we did at the beach before I left

Photos taken by Kimberlee Whitehead. . . she rocks. Also, Melissa did my hair and make up (she convinced me that she could make me look natural and her creative hand blew me away.)

But of course . . . you will have to wait to see the one we chose for the cover.

aren't those 2 ladies incredible?? they made me look like a rockstar

woah. . .

it's been awhile. trying to keep up on all the hilarious/inspirational/informational blog posts that I've missed this past week is definitely not doable.

Today I record again. it's one of my LAST recording days. kind of makes me want to cry a bit . . . out of pure joy of course.

I've been consistently running 6 miles a day. it's actually getting to a "it feels like i will survive" point.  feels good on the body. i keep remembering that come that fateful day in April, I will have to run 6 miles 4 times plus a little. people have been asking why I am not starting off with a half-marathon.  I'm not one of those people.  I think I would feel like a pansy if I signed up for a HALFmarathon. I just think to myself, "you go halfway, you may as well go all the way. go big or go home." I like to go big. don't let me sound so rude,  I think people who run half-marathons are hardcore, it's just my pride is all.

yesterday, Tara and I had a "day full of fun" where we spent 90% of the time catching rays playing outside, swimming, exploring, eating, a little shopping, and ended it with the perfect dance party on a darkened basketball court.

my apartment looks pathetic. no couches, not a dish in sight, roommates abandoned me. . . boooo

i'm actually longing for my room in Utah again where all of my belongings are kept. it's just pure convenience.

I've got my album title name and good ideas for the photo shoot. it maka - me - very - happy

I'm re-reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness" and had to sprint for about 15 minutes the other night because I felt like my thoughts were going to kill me. it was a cool moment.  that book is sooooo incredible. it tears you down and then shows you the hope at the end. very eye-opening. I highly recommend it.

I wish i were feeling more articulate right now. because i know i'm just rambling. life at 21 is fan-tastic. this is the year in which many of my goals will be completed. hopefully, I will find more along the way to accomplish.  i love self-discipline and think i'm a bit of masochist.  i force myself to do things or deprive myself a lot just so i can gain self mastery.  but hey, it's why i'm here living on this earth. to gain control over my weaknesses.  prepare to meet my Maker.  My Father.

i love you

wait . . .

a minute.

Why don't i feel anything negative?

Why don't i want to scream and cry yet laugh as a defense?

Why am i listening to The Weepies and Mika instead of Damien Rice and Maria Mena?

Why do i search my soul through and through but find nothing short of peace and joy?

this is very odd to me. I have torn my half of the room out and into my car. yes, almost all of my belongings can fit into my honda accord. (not including bicycle, speaker, and guitar) they are special and will be taking the 2nd trip to Utah.

I think that moving and change has become so second nature that my faith in God's abilities is almost whole at this point.  it feels great.  i feel confident.  i'm leaving SoCal and heading into the snow but I sit here bobbing my head and eating a popsicle.  I think that I am truly finding my old self again. the girl who you couldn't get to stop laughing in 7th grade, who literally wore a ginormo smile on her face 24/7.

I think i've become more down to earth . . . less emotionally dramatic . . . more calm and collected . . . less rude and sarcastic.  it's the jules that was born on August 10th of 1989 as Julie Lucille Morrow.  I don't know what bug infected me for the past 3 years but I gained an attitude far from gratitude and I think i've pinpointed (yet again) another amazing thing California has done for me. 

It's helped me grow into being me again.

 *i'd say a jumping high-five is in order*

i will relish in peace and joy. it is sufficient. 

 

Quick. . .

I need advice.

I don't know why the photoshoot is stressing me out more than anything else but it is.

Red lipstick? or not? i am just planning on super simple make up, mascara, eyeliner, and perhaps red lipstick?? i'm horrible with these decisions. help. pleeeeeease.

honesty greatly appreciated :)

my schedule . . .

for the next 2 weeks looks like this.

Friday: Beach

Saturday: Beach

Sunday: Church

Monday: Beach

Tuesday: All day recording

Wednesday: All day recording

Thursday: Move half of stuff to Utah

Friday: Unpack

Saturday: Conference

Sunday: Attend Conference

Monday: Drive back to Cali

Tuesday: Beach

Wednesday: Beach

Thursday: All day recording

Friday: Photo shoot with an old-school suitcase and wheat field

Saturday: Beach

Sunday: Church

Monday: All day recording

Tuesday: listen to recordings all day

Wednesday: Master final CD

Thursday: Move back to Utah

Pretty much, i'm feelin' like a spiritually enriched rockstar.

Guys.  My cd is going to be seriously awesome.  We have been mixing it and adding all the details and it's actually for the first time sounding real. Don't let the lack of exciting punctuation fool you, I'm as giddy as a school girl. MY CD IS FINISHED THE 13th of OCTOBER

Album Preview . . .

Vid.

Check it.

I really do apologize for the creepy factor . . . but it's the reel deel

"ODE TO US"

Superstitious beings walk right through me daily, gives me chills but that's okay. While high strung fathers lift their nose up into grey skies just to prove they'll never get there anyway.

Open up our eyes and we'll see. I'm calling every kind of you to gather around me and sing ae ae sing ae ae ode (repeat a few thousand times) ode to us.

You keep going as if world were not around you, we all know it's in your cave you hide.  But see that dull born lady? there's no one else like her, let's put our breath together, exhale, and make her fly.  

Open up your eyes and you'll see. I'm calling every kind of you to gather around me and sing ae ae sing ae ae ode (yada yada yada)

ode to us. 

You're all apart of me and these voices set me free so thank you for allowing me to finally just let me be.

Ode to us.

New project . . .

I'm taking on.

Since my days will be spent in Utah for an indefinite amount of time, I have decided to seize the opportunity of being around many people who are engaged or about to become engaged.  Light-bulb moment. 

What can I provide for your wedding??

A) I can provide all the music. you name the artists and songs, I'll cover them like they've never been covered before.  I believe I have a knack for covering :)

B) I have decided to offer my services of music and lyrics.  I will interview both bride and groom-to-be together and separately, gathering every piece of their souls I can to compose a song just for them and perform it at their wedding, if they so desire.  this is no easy task, I am my harshest critic when it comes to writing songs but I think it is a good opportunity for me to grow in creativity while making someone else's special day, THAT much more special.  plus, the money don't hurt!

Because my CD is wrapping up, you will all be able to hear and know my writing style soon if you purchase a copy of my CD :)

Pass on the word, because this may just become the next big wedding "must-have" 

wooooohooooo

Loves love!!

You know you live . . .

In the  s*n*o*w  when . . .

- fashion is thrown out the window and all puffy, ugly coats are a go!
- you and your roommates keep a "slip and fall on ice" tally.
- sledding is a competitive sport.
- your eyes are glued to the ground for an entire season.
- you truly understand the concept of frozen snot.
- driving becomes a prerogative of the brave.
- everybody and their dogs are diagnosed with seasonal depression.
- you wake up 45 minutes earlier than any other season to be  p.u.n.c.t.u.a.l.
- p u zz l  es and candles are kept nigh for any sudden week-long power outages.
- ice scraping must be mastered to prevent frustration.

- snowboarding vs. snow skiing is no laughing matter!
- your desire for a boyfriend grows 10 fold just to keep yourself a leeeetle bit warmer.

looking forward to the snow is all :)

Love love

So i've been . . .

performing for multiple years now.

I know all about it.
The thrill, the adrenaline, the big ego that follows a perfectly sung song.
I've felt it over and over and over again. I yearned for it, I'm good at it.  It doesn't make me nervous. I gained confidence, I gained friendships.  I enjoy the silence of a room full of social butterflies whose ears are tuned so carefully to catching every word that escapes my lips.
It's an art form that I feel I have captured well.

Because I know performing, I know audience.  I've seen it all!  from people who couldn't give a lick about my poetry, to those who I have come to know and love very well only because of a song I sang that touched their core.  I have tried my best to please the diverse audiences that come my way. 

But then there is that ONE audience.  The one with a solo viewer.  The one that listens more intently than any of the others combined.  The one that showers me with blessings and compliments.  The one that helps put me back in my place of humility.  The one who holds the key to my eternal progression.

Guys, I feel so stupid right now.  Monetarily, staying in California would be logical.  I have the opportunity of making a lot and being in the sun constantly.  It's me-Jules. the ultimate dream-chaser.  leaving to go back home.  why?? I may not know exactly why right now.  But I do know that money has never held any weight in my book of importance.  I also know that God is the only audience I have that is worth pleasing. 

I may not ever have crowds cheering my name and singing my ditties.  I may not ever have gobs of money to pass around to those in need.  I may not ever live in year-round sun again.  BUT- I will have the assurance that I am doing everything in my power to please my Heavenly Father.  I DO have this opportunity to sacrifice a potential booming music career. Not because I can't do it.  Jules doesn't believe in cants. It's because I have one goal ultimately that stands above the rest.

I am Julie Lucille Morrow, a daughter of God, whose potential is beyond words and comprehension.  I have great faith that my Father in Heaven is leading me back to him through small and simple means.  I know that if I continue this way my whole life, I will live with him again and reign in glory in the eternities.  THAT is why I am here. and THAT is why it is okay for me to give this up.  I know that there is more in store.

The best part about it?? the fact that if we all strive for the same goal, we'll reign together as gods and goddesses, in eternal bliss. I love you all!!!

Utah . . .

I can't even begin to tell you how nervous this post is making me. but here goes nothing.

Utah, we meet again.

You are harsh, unforgiving, and often critical.

You bring back fear, insecurity, and doubt.

You are icy, blazing, and dry as can be.

BUT

if I continue to feel so badly about you, my life will be miserable for the next who knows how long??

It's time for Jules to buck up and pick herself off the pitiful ground she so eagerly lays on.

REWIND   D*N*I*W*E*R

Utah, we meet again.

You are picturesque, mountainous, and full of adventure.

You are artsy, outdoorsy, and playsy???.

You hold family, friends, and many future friends.

You are seasonal, fresh, and abundant

You are my home. old. and again, new.

Jules is moving back to Utah, because Jules has been blessed with the gift of receiving revelation and the courage to act on it.

I am ready, armed, and actually excited to learn the art of snowboarding.

Signing up for psych classes at the "U" and conjuring SLC venues to perform and sell my CDs (when recording is finished in a month)

Sometimes, we think we know exactly what God has in store for us. . . but that usually ends in a big puddle of "whoops, I have no idea which (sometimes million) pathways would be most helpful in my life long journey of returning to my Heavenly Parents."

I've spent the past 9 months in warm sunshine, surrounded by people who have done nothing but lift and build up my emotional and spiritual stability.  I guess I'm ready to go back, head first, into the fire. right where I need to be.  

I'm soooo nervous. I'm getting sooooo excited. It's sooooooo surreal, seeing as I was convinced a couple of months ago that I would never call Utah my home again.

NEVER SAY NEVER. lesson learned.

Wish me luck. lots of it. 

UTAH,

here I come . . .

HOW?? . . .

HOw in the world have I never seen this video??? life just became 10 times happier.

Just like painting . . .

a picture or collaging can be therapeutic to me, so can creating graphic art.

I got the bicycle necklace a couple of days ago and gushed over it. a tiny little bike held by a chain worn around the neck of a person who isn't exactly scaled proportionately to ride the bike.

I couldn't stop holding it! realizing that if there was a mini man who hopped on board, I would have the ability to guide him wherever he goes more successfully than the imaginary personage.  My perspective was greater, therefore giving the little guy an opportunity to be led (mostly into the unknown) because I could see much more than he could.

God is my guiding hand in everything.  I continue to be more and more grateful for this every single day.

oh how I love him, my Heavenly Father

Eternal . . .

perspectives are present every time I am a blubbering mess due to Mormon Messages:

Been having . . .

 Way too much fun this week.  My feetsies are battered and bruised from the soles on up.


"If it gets any sweeter than this, I don't wanna know"

We played sardines and hid in the attic of the church building. in the DEPTHS of the attic. then he told me his very own ghost story. i was actually frightened. no one found us for many many minutes and after they all gave up, we decided to show ourselves. We came out with dust embedded into our clothes and lungs.

We went to the beach to explore the heavenly caves. I got  o*w*n*e*d  by the ocean. He shouted at the top of his lungs, another made up story as the waves came crashing into him. It was hilarious.

He is a good story teller. the best even.

We had a sand castle competition. mine was an aztec ruin, his was in the shape of a crab. Needless to say, he won.

We were driving home from the beach and he wrapped himself in a toga like fashion and let his shirt hang out the window to dry.

We went to the temple while roomie was working there and did Baptisms. Awesome. Then we spent 3 hours in the visitors center.  His testimony is evident.  He enjoyed it as much as I did.

We sang l oudly the words of fantastic songs on the drive back from the temple.  He played DJ.  I was impressed.  Very impressed.  I was all smiles.

He interrupted my waffle making by adding a cup of chocolate pudding and a mashed up banana.  I couldn't stop laughing.  They still just tasted like waffles.

I was laughing enough the entire week to last me for a year.

He's a big mystery to me, I'm unsure of his thoughts, but I'm not afraid to admit that I think he is the bee's knees.  bzzt

He left to go back to his new home, which is my old home.  I continue living in my new home, which is his old home.  

icky.

*going away breakfast for all the peeps heading out to Utah*

People like that don't come around every day, folks.

The American . . .

Idol experience.

QUITE thee experience.  First of all, I'm just going to throw it out there. I didn't even make it past the first round.  BUT, how else do you go into a competition with 12,000 other people auditioning from just that city alone??  You go in confidently, expecting to make it, yet knowing that the outcome will be for your benefit (whatever it may be).  Many people were worried when I came home, thinking my dreams had been crushed (due to my over confidence, and cool nature regarding the whole situation), but let's face it: If I didn't think I had a good shot, I wouldn't have gone all that way!  Not to mention, I've always been against the television show until I realized it's a quick way to make a buck to help change the world!  Dreams crushed?? not one bit.  I still know I'm a talented musician and song-writer. If anything, I am more convicted than I was before Idol auditions.

With that being said . . . let me take you through the journey!  it's safe to say that I will NEVER be auditioning again.

We arrived in San Francisco on Wednesday at about 2:00 AM, slept for a wee bit, and got up to register for the auditions which took about 5 minutes (show them ID, get a wristband, leave) WAY easier than I expected.  Lyndsay and I met up with Jon and decided to take advantage of the fact that the apartment we stayed at (thanks to the lovely and oh-so-hospitable Joe) was a walk away from anything you could want to do in SF.  LITERALLY, we walked to Ghiradelli square, Fisherman's wharf, ate soup in sour dough bread bowls, saw the most darling houses, passed the street vendors, and stopped to spontaneously buy "Wicked" tickets at the Orpheum Theater located 3 blocks from Joe's apartment. Needless to say, it was the most INCREDIBLE DAY in San Francisco.  The day came to a close and we got ready to go see "Wicked" which I have been waiting to see for YEARS.  Side note: I am a poor chap and didn't have money to buy tickets, Lyndsay stepped in and told me she was paying for me to see it for my Birthday.  NICEST birthday present EVER.  The show was breath-taking and all the days events added up to a memory loss of the fact that I was auditioning the next day.  I was just having a blast in the city.

The next day we woke up at around 4:00 AM to shower and head over to the Giant's stadium to wait in line for auditions.  The stadium was crowded with thousands of people who were singing, no, belting at the top of their lungs.  At first I was super impressed, thinking to myself, wow!! these people have really great voices.  Then I heard the exact same style thee ENTIRE. DAY. divas singing over and over and over again.  I was annoyed, thoroughly.  We sat in the sun and occasionally in the shade for 12 hours that day until my time had come to sing.  I stepped up, sang like I knew how, stepped back and waited for the deliberation to commence.  This is what they said: "You have a great voice, but it's not as powerful as we've heard all day." and I walked out thinking to myself - you are absolutely correct, if you are looking for a voice that will be heard from miles away, than I am definitely not what you are looking for.  No harm done!  To be honest, it was a bit more political and typical than I thought it would be.  As girls dressed in mini dresses and heels with long flowing hair walked the "golden ticket" walk.  I know now that I am not the style they are looking for.  So now I'm back to the recording studio to bust out the rest of my album!  Thank you for the infinite support!  It all comes down to the fact that American Idol is a television show.  I am a heart and soul singer and writer, i've come away unscathed!

Like i have always said: God knows me better than I know myself, if it needed to happen, it would have happened!

I love you all and will put pictures up soon!

When I grow up . . .

I wanna be:

A dreamer

A follower of Christ

A motivational speaker

An eating disorder advocate

A disney character voice

A marathoner -*-*-*-*-*-

A successful musician

An author

An aerobics instructor

A talk show host

A giver of all things time and money

A saint

A lover

A best friend

An exquisite chef

An adventurer

An example

A learner

A teacher

A follower

A leader

A painter

A builder

A listener

A mother

A goddess

Good thing I still have 79 years in me . . .
Time to get crackin!

Happy burthday . . .

to me.

I was not planning on writing a birthday post. BUT my cousin inspired me. 

If you want to find me a little bit cooler than I already am, read her tribute HERE
Yeah, it made me cry like a baby.

So I turned 21 and someone told me "Hey now you can go buy beer to wash your hair in."

Because . . . I don't drink or do any of the things 21 year olds do when they turn 21.
It was THEE greatest birthday!  I was fed every meal, my room got attacked with yellow and blue streamers (color code genius) and balloons are covering my floor, spent time at the beach with my best friend singing our hearts out to all songs beautiful, saw 2 shooting stars, hopped on temple grounds to feel the strength therein for a mere 2 seconds, ate divine chocolate cake from my work, and ended it by bashing my fish pinata open with a wooden spoon.  You could say that being 21 is pretty fantastic!

Then I sat there at the close of the night in my bed pondering the things that I had accomplished since last year.  Here is a list that I came up with:

- ALMOST financially independent
- opened up more and let out my true feelings
- moved to California
- became knowledgeable in the dental world
- cried so many good cries
- signed up for a marathon
- gained a stronger testimony than I could ever imagine
- sang in weddings
- learned to love myself a fraction more

Not bad. Baby steps. right??

I love my life.  Everything about it right now is in line with my goals, dreams, and aspirations from becoming an American Idol force, to preparing myself for the time when Christ comes to earth again, to timing my showers making sure that I am ready to take on the responsibility and craziness of motherhood once it knocks on my door.

I love you all and thank every one of you for bringing light into my life to build me up and help me in my life journey de jules.  Now I am off to record for 10 hours. wish me luck!!

sudden . . .

Blog outburst this week.   Most likely because I just finished reading The Scarlet Pimpernel and realized how much I love not only reading great literature but trying to create it as well.

I'm looking forward to American Idol auditions with faith and excitement.  I have a mission to accomplish through music.  Somebody will end up getting through the first few rounds and eventually 5 people will be standing strong at the end.  One of those people will be me.  

Why?

Because I've decided that through this universe we can almost all agree that there is a power, a force grander than ours that will work with us or against us.

That force in my mind and heart is God, to others it may be luck or karma.

The only person who knows me greater than myself is that one God whereby all things are governed.  I believe that God knows that once I make it into that top group of people striving to win the votes of millions across America, that I will use that power, fame, and insane amount of worldly riches to benefit mankind.  God is a force that will work with me in my pure motives to make me successful.

I hate money.  I despise the fact that our world revolves around it's pitiful meaning.  I want very little for myself and to do God's will with the rest of it.  I think fame would be a heavy burden.  People who automatically want to be around you because your name is popular or people who automatically stay away from you for the same reason.  I thrive off of people's genuine understanding of me as a child of God.

I also believe that I have a strong support system of people who care for me and who believe in me.  YOU are the reason I would be able to make it in this fierce competition which people spend years preparing for. 

I will get past the first 3 rounds by God's grace and my mere human self, but I could use prayers and support from the rest of you to make it through.  

Help me help God to help the world . . .

I promise I won't let you down

soooo . . .

Since Ingrid does maybes, so can I.

Maybe it's going to be a good day EVEN though it's mighty overcast.

Maybe I need to be a lot less prideful.

Maybe I spent   t o o   much money on clothing last week.

Maybe I'm a lot more saddened than I think I am.

but . . then again

Maybe I'm a lot more happy than I think I am. (odd contradiction)

Maybe God needs to hear more sincerity realness at the close of my days. 

Maybe I feel confused at how surrounded by people I can be yet feel completely alone (cliche, I know)

Maybe this past month and a half of odd behavior and weird feelings has boiled down to that one feeling I found when I sunk down to my core to figure out what was wrong:

Maybe I feel unlovable. wince yep i found it.

Maybe I've decided that all I need is " me, my angels, and my guitar " because when I feel unlovable - - I act out in destructive ways.  Time to bring my soul home and recoup.

Pity me not!  I know I'm lovable, it's completely logical (i have a greeeeeat personality). I just feel differently at present. 

Love to give. love to give constantly. just waiting for the tide to come so I can finally let it pass.

My Familia . . .

*Jenny with our niece Nora*

is exceptionally wonderful.

We have our beautiful parents to thank for raising us but I am continually awe-struck by my sibling's abilities to live and lead such worth while lives.

I would like to focus on the oldest of the crew. She is 9 years older than I am and I look up to her immensely.  Everything about her is a work in perfection.  Is she perfect? no. But I AM convinced that she is one of the hardest working souls towards perfection.   Biased? i don't believe so. 

Jenny graduated with a Masters in Family and Marriage Therapy.  Helping people heal is her job.  She is a literal earthly angel to every single person she comes in contact with.  She is just beginning her own practice and does not only in-office therapy but Skype therapy with out of state clients.  How rad is that?? 

She just started her own blog to be a guide and a help for clients as well as every-day readers AKA you and me.

I visited with Jenny's co-worker and good friend Christy when I was in the slums of my life about 2 years ago.  I went to therapy weekly until it became every other week, eventually monthly, and now I have enough knowledge to keep me going with out a therapist every single day. 

Therapists and counselors don't always have the best reputation.  I feel like they are becoming more accepted but if people only understood how helpful they are in growing and getting out of those "stuck" moments of life, they would pay any amount to feel the freedom that I now feel.  Choosing the right person to help you heal is CRUCIAL, so if you feel the need to seek help then look around and make sure you get a good feeling about someone before you begin the long, joyous, and sometimes painful process of healing. 

I would recommend my sister to anybody I meet.  She specializes in addiction recovery and is one of the most REAL people you will ever meet. Check out her BLOG for some serious uplift, you will

 not. be. sorry.

And if you want to contact her even out of state, let me know and I will introduce you.

Allowing people to help us is such a humbling and rewarding life experience.  I couldn't be more grateful for the things that I learned in therapy. 

Isn't she a jem??

I love her :)

I don't . . .

wanna be the one to say goodbye . . . but I will.      I will.      I will.

I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly . . . but I will.        I will.

Oh.

Yes.

I.

Will.

connecting. . .

dishevelled l--i-n--e--s as of late.  for the past two months I've felt as though someone socked me in the gut and my "yellow" (for those color code geeks) came flying out of my wide open mouth, scattered as particles of dust.

I opened my eyes really wide and realized that I would not be able to pick up all of the yellow pieces I once had but now have lost.  I've cried . . . and cried . . . and been an emotional wreck (picking on others, judgmental, and feeling nothing short of a major drama queen) but . . . I wasn't ready to let go of so much personality so quickly.  This week I have focused my efforts on how to breathe in new yellow air because yellow is the core of my being and with out it, my life is mundane.  I have finally accepted the fact that I can't pick back all the particles that I lost because I lost them for a good reason.

God is helping me figure out which pieces are okay to bring back and which pieces need to be replaced.  He is so patient with my fun motives and is so understanding of the dis-harmony that occurs when I don't fill that need. 

What have I experienced most this week through it all? prayer. patience. perseverance. party. (literally in that order)

I even watched an episode of "Wipeout" on hulu and I laughed the entire 43 minutes. people falling due to their own will = my cup of fun tea.  

And that is the conclusion of this post.  I post a bunch of emotional stuff but end up putting Wipeout's top 10.   We're getting there yellow- we're getting there!