I've been thinking a lot lately about love. Yes: the love and cheesiness that I see in movies or read in books. Most marriages that I see don't have a love like that, it's a different love that seems more realistic. But then I think... why the heck can't I have that cheesy romance that I see in many movies? I believe I can and will! I can't pretend that I would want anything different. If my love life followed Pride and Prejudice exactly then I would be entirely happy with it! It's a great thing to dream about and I can have it! I have seen it in real life, it's just not as common as I've grown up to think. I don't know if that helps or hinders my outlook of love right now because it makes it seem so far away and that it'll be years and years till I ever get to that point. I feel very young, yet I have to remind myself that I am.... I'm only 19 years old! I have time to find that love that I am looking for and I find nothing wrong with that! So cheers to all you hopeless romantics. We're all fighting for it and it's out there!


Latest Song

"Excuse me sunshine rays.  I see you're tired and sleeping but I need to feel you on my face.  I've got a problem that needs your eager ears and the warmth that they bring when you pardon all the worldwide fears.  Because you see I'm growing while my mind and heart grow too but I'm confused about which path to take, the things I should and shouldn't do.  

And who's this Mr. Right? Please just tell me so I can get on to another sleepless night.  I've got a life that others say they've dreamt for years, but that dream fades away when they realize that I have my tears.  Do you even understand the power laying in your hands that seeps to everyone you see and almost brings us to our knees? 

Can you see an angel standing right above me now?  Watching each decision I make?  And if so, can she hear me crying to the world?  Please just help me through another day.

They don't think I hear the accusations and laughter of the people and how they appear.  How do I live my life surrounded by this kind? To find peace, joy, and satisfaction in my own distorted mind.  Cause when I fall will they be there?  Or will they be there just to stare,  and hope that I will fall again, falling till I've come to end? 

Can you see an angel standing right above me now? Watching every move that I make? And if so, can she hear me crying to the world?  Please just get me through another day.

She's led me to realize that hope is still there, so now on my journey to find.  I can release all the pain that I've held for so long, so long... so long pain, so long.  

I can feel the angel standing right above me now.  Helping with each step that I take.  And now I know that she can hear me crying to the world.  Angel thanks for helping me get through today."


Not quite sure why I deserve them

God has put people into my life. I would NEVER make it without these people. They mold me, form me, encourage me, lift me, tear me down, smile, laugh, create joy, create ANYTHING, they are the reason for my being!

Kelli Case- I can't say enough how she saved my life this very night. She stopped me from making a huge mistake and helped me to realize my potential. This girl is inspired all the time and will never do anything but lift me up higher than I could ever reach myself. She has a way with words that anyone could understand and relate to. She knows the true meaning of life and has lived more than others have in an entire lifetime. She will do amazing things and laugh along the way! Whoever happens to stumble upon her shall be considered truly blessed! Her creations will get her far in life, they are sooooo beautiful! Every single one of them amazes me because it truly is a piece of her. She's not afraid to share herself with the world, and I aspire to be her.

Cindi Dietz- A friend who I feel has been there for an eternity and will be there for the rest of it. I have known this girl longer than this life, of that I'm sure. I have a connection with her that I've never felt with anyone else. She understands me on a deeper level than my family can even comprehend and she knows how to make me laugh in a split second. She is alive and vibrant as if she's ready to conquer the world with a smile! She is best compared to the sun... consistent, beautiful, shining, lighting the entire world, bringing warmth and contrast to the cold darkness. She knows who you are very quickly that it's almost frightening, but I can't keep myself away from her, I gravitate to her and continue to be curious of every move and step that she takes. She is completely unpredictable. She helps me in a different way than anyone else in the world would be able to. She is a true sister.

James Campbell- He's confusing, he's obnoxious at times, rude as all get out, and extremely tactless! He is completely loyal and there for me. No matter what, I feel like I could tell him anything because he would handle it differently than anybody else, he would twist and contort it into a different angle that I would never see, although I never tell him anything! He sheds a new kind of light in my life! Some days I feel like he does everything to please everybody else and other days I feel like he's never had a care in the world about what others think of him. He is here for me in a crucial moment of my life. He's the only guy friend at this moment who I have an endless amount of fun with, who makes me laugh so hard that my gut hurts, who can get me to drink a red bull and watch youtube videos until 5:30 in the morning. He makes me feel like a little kid again in every way that I miss.

Katie Taylor- This girl has a listening ear like no one I've ever met. She is quick to praise and slow to criticize! It took me months to convince her that I was definitely NOT too cool to hang out with her because she sees so much good in others and not enough in herself. Although I felt the humor behind it, I still felt like she meant it! She is the only other girl I know who is as obsessive as I am about losing weight! I hate her for that because I would never wish such an awful curse on anyone else and it tears me up inside to know that she feels the same way. This girl is beautiful! She's 4 feet, 11 inches of all around goodness. She's the one of which you would say "AMAZING things come in small packages" She's got a hook punch like no one I've ever seen and she can make me laugh until I cry. She has no idea what is in store for her future, but I can see clearly that it is devoted to others. She serves more than I even thought possible and jumps at any chance to continue serving. She can just sit and listen without giving me gobs of advice that I don't want. Wow!

Sara Lieber- Sara and I have the same blood running through our veins. She helps me to remember that I'm not as beautiful, bright, and amazing as I sometimes think I am. I have learned to embrace that about her! I look at her and she is stunning, I hear her talk and she is brilliant, I see her dance and it takes my breath away. I used to have a hard time with it. Knowing that the girl in the bed next to me is so much more than I will ever be. But she has no idea how much of a blessing she is to me. She gives me something to look up to! Every weakness that I have is her strength and I can't say that about anyone else. Once I get past the shock of it all, I understand why God put us together! I can make those weakness strengths and she is a source of encouragement by just being there next to me. I can't wait to grow old with her and die with her by my side because I don't know what I would do without her! My friendship with her is even stronger because it has brought silent pain along the way. There were never any fights or vulgarities! Just jealousy and envy (the most evil pain of all). I know why I need her now and I look forward to waking and knowing that I love her every single day!

Lachel Walters- This girl portrays the kindness of Christ better than anybody I've ever met. She's the first one to include! She's the first to volunteer herself to jump in my car when no one else will. She puts others before herself constantly and won't take no for an answer! She is absolutely hilarious in her everyday speech. She's silently incredible. I say that because people can't even begin to comprehend her spirit until they spend a lot of time with her. She's a spirit outside of her body, if it left her right now, she would be no different to me. Sure she's incredible when you first exchange impressions and you see her princess like beauty, but that is not what I see when I look at Lachel. I automatically feel her kindness radiate from her being. She makes you feel like a million bucks the second you walk through the door when she throws her arms around you and screams your name for the world to hear. She's unique and now that I know her, I could never live without her.