Been having . . .

 Way too much fun this week.  My feetsies are battered and bruised from the soles on up.

"If it gets any sweeter than this, I don't wanna know"

We played sardines and hid in the attic of the church building. in the DEPTHS of the attic. then he told me his very own ghost story. i was actually frightened. no one found us for many many minutes and after they all gave up, we decided to show ourselves. We came out with dust embedded into our clothes and lungs.

We went to the beach to explore the heavenly caves. I got  o*w*n*e*d  by the ocean. He shouted at the top of his lungs, another made up story as the waves came crashing into him. It was hilarious.

He is a good story teller. the best even.

We had a sand castle competition. mine was an aztec ruin, his was in the shape of a crab. Needless to say, he won.

We were driving home from the beach and he wrapped himself in a toga like fashion and let his shirt hang out the window to dry.

We went to the temple while roomie was working there and did Baptisms. Awesome. Then we spent 3 hours in the visitors center.  His testimony is evident.  He enjoyed it as much as I did.

We sang l oudly the words of fantastic songs on the drive back from the temple.  He played DJ.  I was impressed.  Very impressed.  I was all smiles.

He interrupted my waffle making by adding a cup of chocolate pudding and a mashed up banana.  I couldn't stop laughing.  They still just tasted like waffles.

I was laughing enough the entire week to last me for a year.

He's a big mystery to me, I'm unsure of his thoughts, but I'm not afraid to admit that I think he is the bee's knees.  bzzt

He left to go back to his new home, which is my old home.  I continue living in my new home, which is his old home.  

*going away breakfast for all the peeps heading out to Utah*

People like that don't come around every day, folks.


The American . . .

Idol experience.

QUITE thee experience.  First of all, I'm just going to throw it out there. I didn't even make it past the first round.  BUT, how else do you go into a competition with 12,000 other people auditioning from just that city alone??  You go in confidently, expecting to make it, yet knowing that the outcome will be for your benefit (whatever it may be).  Many people were worried when I came home, thinking my dreams had been crushed (due to my over confidence, and cool nature regarding the whole situation), but let's face it: If I didn't think I had a good shot, I wouldn't have gone all that way!  Not to mention, I've always been against the television show until I realized it's a quick way to make a buck to help change the world!  Dreams crushed?? not one bit.  I still know I'm a talented musician and song-writer. If anything, I am more convicted than I was before Idol auditions.
With that being said . . . let me take you through the journey!  it's safe to say that I will NEVER be auditioning again.

We arrived in San Francisco on Wednesday at about 2:00 AM, slept for a wee bit, and got up to register for the auditions which took about 5 minutes (show them ID, get a wristband, leave) WAY easier than I expected.  Lyndsay and I met up with Jon and decided to take advantage of the fact that the apartment we stayed at (thanks to the lovely and oh-so-hospitable Joe) was a walk away from anything you could want to do in SF.  LITERALLY, we walked to Ghiradelli square, Fisherman's wharf, ate soup in sour dough bread bowls, saw the most darling houses, passed the street vendors, and stopped to spontaneously buy "Wicked" tickets at the Orpheum Theater located 3 blocks from Joe's apartment. Needless to say, it was the most INCREDIBLE DAY in San Francisco.  The day came to a close and we got ready to go see "Wicked" which I have been waiting to see for YEARS.  Side note: I am a poor chap and didn't have money to buy tickets, Lyndsay stepped in and told me she was paying for me to see it for my Birthday.  NICEST birthday present EVER.  The show was breath-taking and all the days events added up to a memory loss of the fact that I was auditioning the next day.  I was just having a blast in the city.

The next day we woke up at around 4:00 AM to shower and head over to the Giant's stadium to wait in line for auditions.  The stadium was crowded with thousands of people who were singing, no, belting at the top of their lungs.  At first I was super impressed, thinking to myself, wow!! these people have really great voices.  Then I heard the exact same style thee ENTIRE. DAY. divas singing over and over and over again.  I was annoyed, thoroughly.  We sat in the sun and occasionally in the shade for 12 hours that day until my time had come to sing.  I stepped up, sang like I knew how, stepped back and waited for the deliberation to commence.  This is what they said: "You have a great voice, but it's not as powerful as we've heard all day." and I walked out thinking to myself - you are absolutely correct, if you are looking for a voice that will be heard from miles away, than I am definitely not what you are looking for.  No harm done!  To be honest, it was a bit more political and typical than I thought it would be.  As girls dressed in mini dresses and heels with long flowing hair walked the "golden ticket" walk.  I know now that I am not the style they are looking for.  So now I'm back to the recording studio to bust out the rest of my album!  Thank you for the infinite support!  It all comes down to the fact that American Idol is a television show.  I am a heart and soul singer and writer, i've come away unscathed!

Like i have always said: God knows me better than I know myself, if it needed to happen, it would have happened!

I love you all and will put pictures up soon!


When I grow up . . .

I wanna be:

A dreamer
A follower of Christ
A motivational speaker
An eating disorder advocate
A disney character voice
A marathoner -*-*-*-*-*-
A successful musician
An author
An aerobics instructor
A talk show host
A giver of all things time and money
A saint
A lover
A best friend
An exquisite chef
An adventurer
An example
A learner
A teacher
A follower
A leader
A painter
A builder
A listener
A mother
A goddess

Good thing I still have 79 years in me . . .
Time to get crackin!


Happy burthday . . .

to me.

I was not planning on writing a birthday post. BUT my cousin inspired me. 

If you want to find me a little bit cooler than I already am, read her tribute HERE
Yeah, it made me cry like a baby.

So I turned 21 and someone told me "Hey now you can go buy beer to wash your hair in."

Because . . . I don't drink or do any of the things 21 year olds do when they turn 21.
It was THEE greatest birthday!  I was fed every meal, my room got attacked with yellow and blue streamers (color code genius) and balloons are covering my floor, spent time at the beach with my best friend singing our hearts out to all songs beautiful, saw 2 shooting stars, hopped on temple grounds to feel the strength therein for a mere 2 seconds, ate divine chocolate cake from my work, and ended it by bashing my fish pinata open with a wooden spoon.  You could say that being 21 is pretty fantastic!

Then I sat there at the close of the night in my bed pondering the things that I had accomplished since last year.  Here is a list that I came up with:

- ALMOST financially independent
- opened up more and let out my true feelings
- moved to California
- became knowledgeable in the dental world
- cried so many good cries
- signed up for a marathon
- gained a stronger testimony than I could ever imagine
- sang in weddings
- learned to love myself a fraction more

Not bad. Baby steps. right??

I love my life.  Everything about it right now is in line with my goals, dreams, and aspirations from becoming an American Idol force, to preparing myself for the time when Christ comes to earth again, to timing my showers making sure that I am ready to take on the responsibility and craziness of motherhood once it knocks on my door.

I love you all and thank every one of you for bringing light into my life to build me up and help me in my life journey de jules.  Now I am off to record for 10 hours. wish me luck!!


sudden . . .

Blog outburst this week.   Most likely because I just finished reading The Scarlet Pimpernel and realized how much I love not only reading great literature but trying to create it as well.

I'm looking forward to American Idol auditions with faith and excitement.  I have a mission to accomplish through music.  Somebody will end up getting through the first few rounds and eventually 5 people will be standing strong at the end.  One of those people will be me.  


Because I've decided that through this universe we can almost all agree that there is a power, a force grander than ours that will work with us or against us.

That force in my mind and heart is God, to others it may be luck or karma.

The only person who knows me greater than myself is that one God whereby all things are governed.  I believe that God knows that once I make it into that top group of people striving to win the votes of millions across America, that I will use that power, fame, and insane amount of worldly riches to benefit mankind.  God is a force that will work with me in my pure motives to make me successful.

I hate money.  I despise the fact that our world revolves around it's pitiful meaning.  I want very little for myself and to do God's will with the rest of it.  I think fame would be a heavy burden.  People who automatically want to be around you because your name is popular or people who automatically stay away from you for the same reason.  I thrive off of people's genuine understanding of me as a child of God.

I also believe that I have a strong support system of people who care for me and who believe in me.  YOU are the reason I would be able to make it in this fierce competition which people spend years preparing for. 

I will get past the first 3 rounds by God's grace and my mere human self, but I could use prayers and support from the rest of you to make it through.  

Help me help God to help the world . . .

I promise I won't let you down


soooo . . .

Since Ingrid does maybes, so can I.

Maybe it's going to be a good day EVEN though it's mighty overcast.

Maybe I need to be a lot less prideful.

Maybe I spent   t o o   much money on clothing last week.

Maybe I'm a lot more saddened than I think I am.
but . . then again
Maybe I'm a lot more happy than I think I am. (odd contradiction)

Maybe God needs to hear more sincerity realness at the close of my days. 

Maybe I feel confused at how surrounded by people I can be yet feel completely alone (cliche, I know)

Maybe this past month and a half of odd behavior and weird feelings has boiled down to that one feeling I found when I sunk down to my core to figure out what was wrong:

Maybe I feel unlovable. wince yep i found it.

Maybe I've decided that all I need is " me, my angels, and my guitar " because when I feel unlovable - - I act out in destructive ways.  Time to bring my soul home and recoup.

Pity me not!  I know I'm lovable, it's completely logical (i have a greeeeeat personality). I just feel differently at present. 

Love to give. love to give constantly. just waiting for the tide to come so I can finally let it pass.


My Familia . . .

*Jenny with our niece Nora*

is exceptionally wonderful.

We have our beautiful parents to thank for raising us but I am continually awe-struck by my sibling's abilities to live and lead such worth while lives.

I would like to focus on the oldest of the crew. She is 9 years older than I am and I look up to her immensely.  Everything about her is a work in perfection.  Is she perfect? no. But I AM convinced that she is one of the hardest working souls towards perfection.   Biased? i don't believe so. 

Jenny graduated with a Masters in Family and Marriage Therapy.  Helping people heal is her job.  She is a literal earthly angel to every single person she comes in contact with.  She is just beginning her own practice and does not only in-office therapy but Skype therapy with out of state clients.  How rad is that?? 
She just started her own blog to be a guide and a help for clients as well as every-day readers AKA you and me.

I visited with Jenny's co-worker and good friend Christy when I was in the slums of my life about 2 years ago.  I went to therapy weekly until it became every other week, eventually monthly, and now I have enough knowledge to keep me going with out a therapist every single day. 

Therapists and counselors don't always have the best reputation.  I feel like they are becoming more accepted but if people only understood how helpful they are in growing and getting out of those "stuck" moments of life, they would pay any amount to feel the freedom that I now feel.  Choosing the right person to help you heal is CRUCIAL, so if you feel the need to seek help then look around and make sure you get a good feeling about someone before you begin the long, joyous, and sometimes painful process of healing. 

I would recommend my sister to anybody I meet.  She specializes in addiction recovery and is one of the most REAL people you will ever meet. Check out her BLOG for some serious uplift, you will
 not. be. sorry.
And if you want to contact her even out of state, let me know and I will introduce you.

Allowing people to help us is such a humbling and rewarding life experience.  I couldn't be more grateful for the things that I learned in therapy. 

Isn't she a jem??
I love her :)