1.16.2010

A loss for . . .

Words.

I don't know what to call the feeling that I had last night.

I believe in extreme spirituality to put ourselves outside of the crazy world. Here's how the magic went down.

I was in my bed watching "30 Rock" when I realized that I wasn't living up to my full potential. I turned my computer off, got ready for bed and prayed to God that he would help me understand what was going on with my emotional being so I could nurture it. I turned off the lights, and laid on my perfectly made bed, I stuck my big old headphones over my ears and blasted Elisa's "A Little Over Zero" while I closed my eyes and laid perfectly still.

" What shall I do just to feel a little over zero? A little over
Now that I'm sadness, now that I'm weakness
Gonna to walk like it's forever, gonna walk because it will save me
And my fragility could kill me.

Is this the best I can be?
Is this the best I can give?
Cause I wanna break out and just live my life
I wanna wake up and find out I'm alive.

A saint for each bone would be magical
It would feel so all consuming that I would burn up just like paper
And my serenity it will kill me so.

Is this the best I can be?
Is this the best I can give?
Cause I wanna break out and just live my life
I wanna wake up and find out I'm alive.
Yes I wanna break out and just live my life
I wanna wake up and find out that I'm alive alive alive alive.

Is this the best I can be?
Is this the best I can give?
Oh is this the best I can give to you?
Is this the best I can give to you? "
The first time the chorus rang, my fist pounded down like a hammer on the perfect beat (unplanned, unexpected). I opened my eyes and big, alligator tears ran down into my pillow and my smile got so large that it seemed laughter had to follow, but it didn't. Angels surrounded me at that moment. A constant stream of chills swam through my body as I realized how much help is with me. Those Angels danced with my soul even though my physical being was p a r a l y z e d.

I have a huge task before me. I can't tell exactly what it is but those angels made it clear that I have an army of people helping me and an even larger enemy army trying to bring me down. Sometimes being in tune with angels and demons is super freaky because it feels as though I'm in some horrid nightmare. . . but I have never felt so strong before.

Once the song ended, I attempted to move in order to put my iPod away. My body has NEVER felt more heavy. I don't think my soul and body have ever come that close to separation.

Epic.

* I believe things happen to us when we want them to. I believe in Ghosts but I don't want them in my life so I do NOT invite them in any manner. Angels and the knowledge of demons on the other hand, help me get through this insane life. Hopefully this post didn't make you all think I need an escort to the asylum. Take it as you will.

1 comment:

Ayley said...

That song!!! It made me feel similar things... Ahh life + music = delicious and nutritious combination.