So um . . .

Maybe I made a horrible first impression with no make up, hair undone, and sweatpants.

Maybe I tried bolting.

Maybe once I got there, I wanted to try bolting again.

Maybe I am more grateful than EVER for second chances.

Maybe I had a heck of a hard time sleeping last night.

Maybe this is going to be the loooongest day of my existence.

Maybe 1 of 2 things will happen.

Maybe I am kind of a little bit glad I was in my sweatpants last night.

Maybe there were way too many people to be sure of anything.

Maybe my little heart was a little too flustered.

Maybe surprises are only good sometimes . . . . that's a lie. they are always great.

Maybe I woke up as early as if this is the first day of school again.

Maybe I put forth extra effort.

Maybe I tried too hard which I always blame THEM for doing.

Maybe I was awkward which never happens.

Maybe I already came up with a fantastic nick name. Is that how you spell it?? Nick name?? or Nic-name? or Nik name?? now i have to go find out . . . Got it, it's Nickname.

Maybe my dreams are premonitions.

AND

Maybe, just maybe, my fish analogy is true  . . .

Only been a small . . .

period of time since I flew into Salt Lake but . . .

I've played dinosaurs with Jack in cafe rio while running around, sticking our 2 fingers out like claws.

My Dad punch dubbed me . . . twice.

AND

I stayed up till the wee hours with Emily talking about boys on her bed. our most TY-PI-CAL activity.

success?? yep yep

CAn't wait to . . .

see THIS little girl and boy
Play all Friday with THIS incredible Mother whom I miss dearly!!
Sing THIS heart out as two lover's worlds collide while actually getting paid.
Eat THIS delicious food
Spend quality time with THIS future bride (whilst gazing upon her sparkly ring)

Receive a much needed and strongly desired Priesthood Blessing from THIS Dadsie

Talk Temple with THIS here, my soul sister


Say farewell to a best friend as she leaves to spread the incredible gospel that we both know to be 100000000000000% true.And more than likely cry as I hop back on a plane to leave those lovely spirits behind to continue the dream chase in California.

The journey begins in . . . 8 hours. DO NOT ASK me why I decided to book a flight from LAX to SLC at 6:00 in the morning (meaning I have to leave my paradisaical home at 4:00 in the am).

But, i'll be all smiles :)

Loves Love . . .

Remember how I am always so sure I've finally come up with the perfect album art? Well . . . this is another one of those moments. But it's different this time.

Because . . .

This art isn't about how I am feeling in the moment. It is about who I am.

And I love love :)

The Legend . . .

These two beautiful parents of mine will leave behind is incredible.

Can't ask for a more perfect example of a marriage.

Happy 31st Anniversary!

*Babes, my parents are complete babes!*

*oh man sometimes I just wish we could go back to those days*

*Then 4 crazy children came along and their lives were over :) I love you guys! I'm the chub baby, yep that's right!*

at times. . .

All you have to rely on is yourself and the Lord.

unfortunately, that is when the tears seem to endlessly stream.

Sometimes, the people you count on don't come through. I blame not the people because they have lives to live and I am not exactly "needy". I'm an easy to please friend and person in general. I would never ask someone to give something up for my benefit. ever. ever.

But

I need people sometimes (maybe like three times a year, but still! it happens) . . . and ones that I would never expect to be there end up being there. They are God sent.

Is this a lesson to me? Do i need to allow myself to let people know when I need them?

I don't think so. Because someone always ends up coming to the rescue.

Thank you earthly angels.

I LOVE YOU!

Karma . . .

*just a way sweet pic of my shadow, which i would like to believe, takes care of all that doesn't get done when time is gone from me.*

Or more likely: God following through on his promises, is a fun part of life.

Remember how I danced and shouted my love for you all the other day??

Well, it seems that I have got nothing BUT love in return.


THIS incredible ballerina and fellow dream catcher must have been inspired to write THIS about me, because . . . it was NEEDED for my soul.


My NEW found soul friend who truly sheds happiness in my life daily and makes me feel priceless.

My 3 BEAUTIFUL roommates who constantly seem to appreciate me for being just that.

My soul sister Cindi who always seems to leave the perfect voice mails pouring out love or asks the most incredibly deep questions via text message.

It's just odd. I have felt more love and appreciation in the past 4 days than I have all year. Is that weird? no, not really. It is simple. You get what you give. I gave my whole heart out that morning and now I feel it coming back to me ten-fold.


I love you people. I am willing to bet that not one of you can even comprehend how much love i have for you.

After being utterly . . .

upset last night with a particular male (we won't go into details)

I prayed and went to bed; probably after eating a couple handfuls of m&ms . . . but that's just fluff.

I prayed hard that my faith and hope in men would be renewed in the morning. I prayed that this fear and anger would be swept away.

*I think the fact that she is wearing a wedding dress speaks volumes although I imagine myself in the same position without the dress (currently)*

God came through, as always.

Today, I believe: that there are morally, spiritually, emotionally, hillariously, good men out there and I am worth every second of their time!



Then I went for a delicious run after which I climbed the mountain next to my apartment to dance my soul out on the huge concrete slab. (pictures shall grace soon)

That place is MINE. I own IT.

Don't fret . . . I looked down and sang/danced for all of you to Ingrid's "Turn to Stone"

I yelled the line at the top of my lungs "Brothers how we must atone, before we turn to stone.", shouted that I love you, and started to cry.

Because that's what I do.

And my life is beautiful.

Day after Day after . . .

Day, I have to remind myself of 1 thing.

I am only 20 years old.

for example (these quotes are taking place in my mind unless otherwise noted)

"Crap, I still haven't finished my album . . . breathe you're only 20!"

"Man, is there any guy out there worth my time? . . . hahahaha you're only 20!"

"I still don't own a place of my own in LA!! . . . stop it! you're only 20!"

"My marathon days are coming to an end. I have got to complete this goal!! . . . bull, most people don't run marathons until they are in their 30's YOU are only 20!"

"I swear, if I don't become the voice of a disney character soon . . . what?? you're only 20!"

"I still work a day job!! . . . you should be! you're only 20!"

Don't let me fool you. I will still complete all of these goals because I have strong conviction for every single one of them, but I seem to forget that because I am working on growing in a lot of ways, they may take some time. . . like l o n g e r than 2 years to complete. Heaven forbid 2 years though because I am so impatient.

I forget that I donned my high school grad cap 3 measly years ago. In that time frame: I have attended 3 semesters of college, learned that I want to be a recording musician, made my best friend in the whole world, learned how to play the guitar, met gobs of people, had 2 incredible jobs where much growth and experience took place, bro- -ke through a barrier which allowed me to write music, bought my own RELIABLE ~~~ car, wrote 20+ songs, sung at a legitimate venue, up and moved to california in pursuit of my dream, had 2 heart\/breaks, and loved every single soul I have passed along the way. I would say that those 3 years have been used wisely. besides . . . I'm only 20!

My soul . . .

Sister is coming to be with me from Saturday - Thursday: Happiness does not even begin to describe how I feel about seeing her again.

Also, I am going to be doing something way super sweet: Playing in an acoustic showcase in Hollywood on May 1st for Jive Records. LIKE, THEE jive records. Kind of a big deal. I get to go show off my steeze and charm. wheeeeeeee I. CAN'T. WAIT.

Ohhh, also. . . this kind of makes me feel like a rockstar so hear me out: I am going to sing at a wedding in April back in Utah which means the bride is paying for me to fly to Utah AND paying me to sing for the reception. Rockstar status?? why yes, I do believe so.

One more thing . . . I. love. music.

But, you probably knew that already.

Loves to you