11.06.2009

I really can't comprehend. . . .

what has been happening inside of me the past little while.
I feel like I've seen myself again. I laugh. I get excited. I feel positive. motivated. I feel like I'm back on the track of Life. (LIFE, don't you think this word has been spreading around like wildfire?? everywhere I turn, everyone is writing or talking about LIFE. So maybe it has been going around forever but people seem so much more passionate about the word than they used to be. You don't use the word Life unless you have something exuberant, devestating, loving, or rollicking to talk about. The word life has been born again. I love it.) <----- sorry for the novel of a side note.
Back to my point. . . I feel alive again. I haven't felt this much like myself for a while. It's good to have me back.
Here's the scoop: I went through the lowest part of my life (to date) almost exactly a year ago. I lost control over everything in my life. I just moved home from Logan, I was scared out of my mind for my future, and I would have gone to extreme measures to be physically beautiful. I lost myself. I spent 10 days with Andrea, Austin, and Chase in Wisconsin. (Andrea is my lovely sister). Spending that time with her incredible spirit and getting out of my world for 10 days was just what I needed to turn back around and begin trudging the way back uphill to a good life. I decided to see a therapist. She has helped me in more ways than I can even explain. I had no idea that I would create one of the most loving friendships I've ever had through seeing her. Before she had taught me, I would have told you that my life is a cake-walk compared to hers. But that is something that I have come to learn more and more. Life is crap for all of us. Whether it is physically tolling, emotionally tolling, mentally, spiritually, or most likely a nasty combination of all 4. We all struggle to the extreme. Life is plain hard. Isn't it beautiful?
I have come such a long way this past year. Many tears, many lessons learned, and many trials and errors. I know that life is hard but i can always look forward to eventual happiness. One of the things that keeps me truly happy is my ability to cry, I cry out my emotions and I can keep going. I am honest and open with others about how I feel. I have stopped tagging "I am SO happy all the time" onto the end of every sentance, because in reality, sometimes I am not feeling happy and that is okay. But at the end of the hour, day, week, month, or even in my case, the year, I can finally say "I am happy" and mean it.
I feel like we are in the generation of honesty. Let's all admit our faults, fears, and struggles. We can build each other up so beautifully if we all live in pure honesty.
Much love love,
P.S. Regina tonight.

3 comments:

J. said...

Wonderful post :)
And it's funny, because "LIFE." is the title of my blog... at first because I just didn't take the time to be clever... but I've grown to love it, because this blog world is where I get the chance to talk candidly {honestly} about it.. LIFE. It is hard, and it is beautiful. And being able to see the beauty in the hardships is what makes it worthwhile.
XOXO

Emily Lou said...

you are an inspiration. :)

Lilian Moreira εϊз said...

I know how you feel... My last year was such a horrible one... I have accomplished a lot this year, and I feel that the best is yet to come! Be positive, enjoy your life and be happy! ;)