11.24.2009

Holy Smokes. . .

So I wrote a song called "Train Station Tango". I wrote it happily because I thought it was the first song I wrote that had no personal, emotional, connection. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. I spoke with Cindi about it about a month ago and asked her if she thought that I had a connection with the song. She pondered for a bit before admitting "I think that it is the you that not everybody knows or can see." I knew she was spot on and even started playing the song admitting to my audience that it hits so close to home.


"Sitting on a bench at the station,
listening carefully for the sounds
that would get me out of here, take me out of here!

See you walk past, a 9 maybe 10
not your looks stupid, but your composure as a man
didn't know what else to do but hide my fancy shoes.

Somebody told me 'don't let your heart out at night
cause once it starts to wiggle free it's hard to put up a fight.'
So I'll restrain mine here behind this old lover's book
that talks of the people and the chances they took.
They're not for me.

Sitting in an empty compartment and out of 103, you had to
draw the seat next to me.
Nod your head like you've just bid me well
but I'm staring you down like you have cast me into hell.
You smile and you smile then you laugh like you've seen my entire past.

Somebody told me 'don't let your heart out at night',
but what if I gave it and didn't want to put up a fight?
no I'll restrain mine here behind this old lover's book
that shows me what happens when I am willingly shook out of my skin.

He tried to teach me, said i haven't lived my life
He tried to show me that it was time to let my heart out,
let it fly.

But somebody told me 'don't let your heart out at night'
cause what if I gave it and you chose to put up a fight?
So I'll hold mine here behind this old lover's book
that talks of the people and the chances they took.
They're not for me. . . "


That song ends sadly. Just like my situation, my CURRENT situation. . . it ends sadly it ends EXACTLY like my song does. . . I'm pathetic, I am my own psychic through song and I hate it. Why can't I let my heart go? What am I so afraid of?? He's teaching me, he's trying to show me that it would all work out if I let it but I can't do it. . . I'm completely chicken. GRRRR. . . and now I'm off to California and he will be gone, most likely forever. I'm such an idiot.

THIS SONG SERIOUSLY PREDICTED MY FUTURE, I WAS WAITING FOR THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO GET OUT OF HERE, FOUND IT, THEN FOUND SOMEBODY WHO I CAN'T RISK GIVING MY HEART TO AND NOW I'M GONE. IS THIS NOT SCARY TO ANYONE ELSE????? sorry. . . I'm just miffed is all hahahahaha.

2 comments:

allie said...

Wait a minute!?!?! Does he know how you feel? I'm so confused and i need to know what the freak you mean by that...have you two been talking? Does he want you to be around when he comes home? Spill girl, spill...

lizbiz said...

I just gotta say I love reading your blog! Beautiful lyrics! Very insightful and honest. :-)