Ok, Imma Jerk

This would be me and sunflower after our wonderful run. (See sunflower's portrait below)

But, I've been too much into deep thought to feel like writing any of it down yet. I'm full on skipping new music tuesday because, well, it's Sunday. And BTW, a few of the goals that I set, I actually DID attain: Ran over 16 miles, Figured out my music set, and woke up 4 out of 5 days early to have scripture study and meditation time. Pretty good eh?? So, instead of adding new goals, I will continue the ones I have already set. (baby steps)

- 16 Miles.
- Have fully prepared half of my music set.
- Wake up every day early to scripture study and meditate.
- SET UP GIG (you think I would have taken 5 minutes
to make a phone call last week.)
- Clean my room, seriously it's time.

Anyways, I have so much on my mind right now that I have to get it out.
This is my running partner, sunflower.

LoVe. . . I know I KNOW, I can't stop thinking, feeling, blogging, reading, listening, criticizing, adoring, watching, wanting, coveting, portraying, and living in a mental state of love.

I keep myself sounding all "intelligent" by thinking I have love pinpointed. but what the crap, no one does!! Not even the "all-knowing" Jules. Love is different to everybody and I only know what it is to me. I feel it constantly, all the time, it never ends. It's difficult. to feel such a strong emotion 24 hours a day.

To me, it's lonely. impossible. unattainable. constant. forever. coward. mind-blowing. all-encompassing. true. real. surrounding. powerful. courageous. blooming. deadly. passionate. jealous. memorable. horrid. painful. mistaken. cruel. quiet. sorrow. magnificent. glory. ultimate. pure. joy. with-holding. constraining. perfect. touch. sobbing. mine.

There is some man out there that I will love who will love me back, in my perfect definition of love. I truly have a hard time imagining it right now, but it has been on my mind constantly for the past 2 weeks. I'm no easy person to handle. I am strewn with imperfections and absurdities. I need a love who has also to cast out a beam from his eye. I need a love who can understand me. ME, the real me. I need a love who will embrace my creativity. I need a love who will argue with me until we find the best conclusion. I need a love who will sit silent with me. I need a love who will bring me to tears with laughter. I need a love who isn't afraid to think out of the norm and into the deep. I need a love who finds beauty in my crying. I need a love who finds childlike joy in everything. I need a love who will be. I need a love who loves me.

I will wait until it is the perfect time. I will not rest in my journey for love until I find someone perfect for me. It's inevitable, but impossible to believe that he exists. I will continue to watch the sun: rise and set by myself until I find him. And when that opportunity arrives, I will be willing and ready.

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