An Incredible Moment of Reflection . . .

This orange balloon represents someone's sibling that committed suicide. I was able to perform some music this morning for a Suicide prevention benefit 5K, and I was floored at how much peace and love was felt there. Almost every single one of the 550 registrants let a balloon float up into the sky that represented a loved one that took their own life.

I usually never speak or teach in analogies but they are running through my mind constantly, and today I would like to share what this orange balloon made me ponder for quite some time as I sat all alone in the park thinking of how people can deal with such sorrow. As all the balloons floated out and away, this orange one got caught in a tree high above. The balloon wasn't floating into the sky anytime soon and it reminded me of something I was told about a year ago when a boy from my High School took his own life.
*Just my artsy fartsy fotoes.*

I didn't know this boy super well but had a couple of classes with him, tried to talk to him a few times. During his funeral, which I regretfully didn't attend (hopefully I am getting the story right), his mother stood up and said that she could feel his presence with her and around her ever since he passed on. It wasn't a comforting presence or a peaceful presence. It was a sorrowful boy pleading for forgiveness from his mother for causing her and numerous relatives and friends so much anguish. I remember reading in a book one time called "Return from Tomorrow" about a man who was dead for a period of time and
walked with Christ before he awakened again. It is a true story, mainly from the mouth of the man who experienced this bizarre opportunity. He recalls seeing humans that are alive and spirits who have passed on that are having a difficult time letting their human frailties go. George Ritchie turns to Christ when he sees certain spirits following humans and pleading for forgiveness. He asks Christ why the spirits are pleading like that and Christ says something to the effect of. . . "Those people took their own lives and are chained to all their consequences."

*This was a different band "Miguel and Friends". . . nuff said.*

I can't even imagine what it would feel like to lose someone so dear to me because of suicide. But it is even harder to imagine the pain and anguish of committing suicide and feeling the heavy consequence that comes along with it. This boy was stuck here, just like the balloon in the tree. He wasn't free yet to float above because he felt the sorrow of what he had actually done.

Life is so precious, although I am one of the first to complain about it. I learned something at the temple last week while searching for deep answers and knowledge. "You must have these moments of pure hell, because look at what is in store for you." I caught the tiniest glimpse of exaltation that day and was reminded why my life seems to be collapsing the second I begin to rebuild it. I am living in a long moment in my imperfect human mind of my own personal hell, where nothing seems to be right. I have prayed and prayed for strength and help but felt little if any help from my loving Heavenly Father. I know why now and it is bearable. So hold on to life and be grateful for the times when your world is caving in, because those moments will be your greatest allies.

*Before they started the event, they kept the balloons in the canopy under which I was playing my music. It was heaven on earth!*

P.S. When I looked into the sky and counted the different colors to see which one was most common, dozens of yellow balloons stood out to me. Yellow represents the loss of a parent. Devastating.

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