9.19.2009

Controlled


By my emotions. I have been way controlled by my emotions lately. Which means. . . my bedroom and bathroom are still dirty. My laundry is only half way finished because I needed something to wear to work on Friday. I didn't run at all last week. My hair is completely disgusting. I haven't called anyone to set up a gig. I have cried MULTIPLE times. I haven't worn make up for a good 2 weeks. I have felt sorry for myself, and I have laughed my head off.

How do people get things done so consistently? I am horrible at being consistent. I am all over the place these days. . . perhaps it's because I am finally letting my soul explore all of these emotions that I have kept inside for years. It's time to give them their fair share of occupancy inside of me. . . perhaps it's because I am scared to death of who is flying home on a plane in 4 months. . . perhaps it's because I am working 40 hours a week in the most stress i've ever faced and I think it's causing me stomach pain. . . perhaps it's because I am far too critical and unforgiving of myself. . . perhaps it's because I just found out that Satan has had full control over me for the past 3 and a half months.

WHAT DO you WANT??
- I want to exercise play ALL the time (rock climbing, running, biking, hip hop, sports, racquetball, walking).
- I want to have time with friends at least weekly.
- I want to be closer to my Father in Heaven.
- I want to eat chocolate everyday.
- I want to bring someone into the true church of Christ.
- I want to play 10 shows next month.
- I want to laugh way freaking hard.
- I want to help my Mom around the house.
- I want to finish my album before January comes around.
- I want to take guitar lessons from Robbie Connolly.
- I want to study my scriptures EVERY single morning.
- I want to fly.
- I want to feel forgiven of my sins every night before I sleep.
- I want to watch chick flicks and eat ice cream.
- I want to meet new people.
- I want to read novels.
- I want to feel confident that I could recognize Christ.
- I want to see my sister in Wisconsin SO BAD.
- I want to play games.
- I want to spend more time with my entire family.
- I want to treat my parents with the respect and love they deserve.
- I want to move out of state in 2 years.
- I want to go to the opening night of "New Moon".
- I want to drink more water.
- I want to get a full 7 hours every night.
- I want to do a service project in Africa.
- I want to do my visiting teaching. . . for once.
- I want to have a clean room to come home to everyday.
- I want to fit into my jeans next week.
- I want to live fully.

That felt incredible. To just sit down and write out what I TRULY want. Not what I should want or what everyone else wants, but what I truly want. Sometimes we have to control our emotions in order to get what we really want out of life, it's absolutely crucial. A lot of the list above is soothing to my emotions and a fair share is difficult for me to accomplish, but it's what I want. Just remember to take time and reevaluate life and what it is that you honestly want, then pray about it to make sure it is in line with what Heavenly Father wants for you, and ask for constant help to make it happen. I trust everyone to know what they want out of life but I don't think that everyone knows it quite yet. Take time, NOW!

By the way, I forgive myself for being controlled by my emotions lately. I have a lot to handle right now, so of course it has been difficult for me to stay on track.

2 comments:

Chad and Jordan Wilson said...

This is such a beautiful post. You are such a strong person. I think the emotional thing is in the water because I have definitely been feeling it up in Logan town. Thank you inspiring me to be honest with my self.

Ryan & Jamie said...

Julie, I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling and sad. :( I hope you're doing better and that things work out for you soon! I'm here for ya.