The battle between two inner me(s)

Once I know that I'm not quite as superhuman as I think I am, the realization can sink in that I need love:

I need it and I've needed it my whole life. Why do I look down with such sadness upon those who need love? "They are too dependent, needy, and obnoxious!" But I'm not. I'm self-reliant, independent, and rather agreeable. "Talents, friends, fun, success, the gospel, family, and work are enough." I thought so but I'm just not quite sure anymore. "I don't know why I'm even discussing this, I won't need love. I can give it to all without spreading it thinly and don't expect any in return." But sometimes I just wish I could have it at my fingertips to help ease the emotional pain of life. "Am I absurd? Remember what Christ has done for me? That is love that is available ALWAYS." I can't deny that it's there all the time but is it really that bad to long for love outside of Christ's giving? "Yes! Christ didn't expect the love of humans in return, so why should I?" I can't be as perfect as Christ is, I can only try. "But this is part of learning and progressing in the gospel. I have been blessed with the ability to love freely, I know I see others who rely heavily on love from people but I can be different." No, I can't. I long to be loved and it has caused me too much pain to deny it any further. I can still be independent and sane but need love! I know I can't expect it from everyone and I don't, but I can still feel the heartache and the sadness when it's not given. "I will never fully agree with this!" I will! I just need to allow myself the ability to feel what a human would feel without guilt on my conscience. It will lift me up in more ways than I know. "I can't decide, only YOU can, but I know that I don't need it." And therein lays my answer. I finally realize that you aren't me and I not you.

Sorry for the insane, random ramble. . . sometimes you just have to get it out!

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